My turn.

Such a lovely Song...




It's been 18 days
Since I had look at myself
I don't wanna have to change
If I don't then no one will
Is it my state of mind
Or is it just everything else
I don't wanna have to be here
I don't understand it now

Cause it's been 18 days
Since I first held you
But to me it feels just like
It feels like a lifetime
I'm trying hard to re-arrange
But some say it's the hardest thing to do
But that's another 18 days
Without you...

Time after time
I've been through this
You show me what it means to live
You give me hope when I was hopeless
As my days fade to night
I remember that state of mind
I'm soaring straight into your heart
And I'll fly high

Cause it's been 18 days
Since I first held you
But to me it feels just like
It feels like a lifetime
I'm trying hard to re-arrange
But some say it's the hardest thing to do
But that's another 18 days
Without you

And I know what they say
About all good things
Will they come to an end
But I'll fight this time
So that we might
Have a chance at this

Cause it's been 18 days
Since I had to look at myself
I don't wanna have to change
If I don't then no one will

Cause it's been too many days
Since I first held you
But to me it feels just like
It feels like a lifetime
I'm trying hard to re-arrange
But some say it's the hardest thing to do
But that's just too many days without you

And I know what they say
About all good things
Will they come to an end
But I'll fight this time
So that we might
Have a chance at this...

Happy...

Thanksgiving.
Thanks you so very much for the things that youve opened my eyes to.
Youve shown me what love is.
Made me understand a whole lot better of the person that I am.
I will ALWAYS love you for that.
Most of all...
Thank you for being you.

Lets see, lets see.

Nothing to write really.
I cant admit anything.
Wouldnt help my situation anyway(s).
Is it bad that I miss the closest intimacy?

I cant even think about it.
Has such a way with words.
Jeeshus.
Im a "runner."
Thats my title.
That,
and whore.
I have nothing to drink.
Nothing to pop.
Or anything to smoke.
Sleeping is my only retreat.
I need someway to turn off my brain.
I dont like it much.
I dont like me much.
Not even a little.
Cant think anymore.
Its not good for me.
Writing scares me.
cant use a journal.
Causes tears.
It suchs when you have to confront who you really are inside.
Only you know the true you.
What youve done,
the lies youve told.
Just how many youve hurt.
That added to the things that everyone knows.
And the fact that you know they know.
Makes who you are.
It adds up to one miserably
disgusting person.
The only reason that I am alive,
is because I know my heart.
I have a good one.
damn all vaginas.
..Sigh..
A fresh start?
To forget all of the past,
and start anew.
Good luck.
New York holds hope.
A life.
Support.
Money when there is none.
Im a runner,
remember?
Its what I do.
I have a title,
might as well utilize it.

All in all,
and all considered.
I still believe in..

Peace.Love.HippieBeat.

It is in the stars!

The astrological compatibility of:
-Scorpio (Me)
-Gemini (Him)

You love to solve mysteries and delve deeply into the affairs of others, sometimes even without their knowledge. You are a natural detective who enjoys unraveling a puzzling situation, which is partly why you are drawn toward suspense and powerful emotional drama.

The keen intellect and sharp wit of your Gemini partner appreciates these qualities in you and may actually enjoy sharing ideas and debating issues with you, but they are no match for your intensity. In fact, you just may scare the heck out of them. While Gemini is attracted to the display of fireworks, you are more concerned with what is fueling the volcano. You just may be too serious for Gemini.

If, however, your chart has the Moon in an air sign or if Venus is in Libra or Sagittarius, compatibility is more likely. Click here to find out where the Moon and Venus are in your chart.

Your clever Gemini may have a half-passionate, half-intellectual approach to affairs of the heart-creating a romantic interlude that includes discussions about the unknown mysteries of life. The biggest obstacle that you'll need to overcome is that your Gemini mate is flighty and casually flirtatious, which will stir up your issues of jealousy and possessiveness.

You will each have some adjustments to make in order to create a harmonious relationship with each another.

.....................................................................

I just thought that it ironic and sadly,
quite funny.

Ugh,
but not really.

Blocked.

Cant stay away.
Wish I hadn't done what I have.
Not much choice though.
Its for the best.
Thoughts.
Ugh.
Thoughts, all day.

Bartender.
Any goofy soft rock, even.

Certain movies.
Any mention of Pulp Fiction.
I swear to God I see that Universe movie everywhere.
I think I might record and watch it just for times sake.

Goddamn dreams even.

Does no good really to even post this,
but Ive had a long day.
Janice is stuck home with pink eye.
Scary shit.
Jen (the mom) says that you cant actually get it from someone farting on your pillow.
Big disappointment, I must say.
I got pissed off today when G-ma was gonna come over and get Janice to go to the doctor.
Then come and get me to go to the mall afterward.
Im the only kid here that has responsibilities.
My 3 year old niece does more around the house then Jake and Jannie do.
I must of course do the dishes and clean the front room.
Its expected from Dad anyway.
Even my father is friggin spoiled out the ass.
Jen does all the cooking and cleaning.
She even serves them their food.
Their 13 and 8 for chrissake!
Asked Jake to help me out and I had to give him a guilt trip,
and even then all he did was take out the trash.
God I wish that I had a mother like Jen when I was growing up.
Well, I love that I have her now anyway.
If I had had her growing up, God forbid, Id be just as spoiled as they are.
Disgusting.
Dunn get me wrong though, theyre not completely bad.
I love em.
Jake is a sarcastic, but hilarious, jerk-face.
Janice is....sweet.

Highlight of the night was when G-ma and I went shopping.
I got the much needed earings, and she bought me dinner.
Shes a saint I tell you.
Love to ruffle her feathers by hittin on her.
or something like masturbate the antennae on her Charger.
She laughs and calls me stupid, in her New York accent.
Totally awesome.

I do miss home though,
quite a bit actually.
I miss my babies
and worry about how much sugar that Sally is giving them.
Theyre doing okay though.
Just miss em awesomely.

Uhh...
I need stimulation of some sort.

Thank God for the beautmius that is the Insane Clown Posse.
Sanity.
Ill write a blog about them.
I hate close-minded ignorant people.

House is on.
I have to go.
Ahh...
Hugh Laurie.
Delicious.

Some kind of hello:

X

Poison.

Ill try Diary style on for fun.
Maybe.
Hmm...
Where to start?
I liked the video clip.
Hilarious.

A good a start as any I spose.
I hate "blogging" when I have so much to say.
It risks alot.
It not coming out the way I want it to.
Yet, Im not sure...exactly.


Question.
Nevermind.
I think Im more in a ranting mood.

I hate women.
Dont get me wrong,
I hate all of man kind.
But women...
...women are probably the most disgusting.
They lure him,
Make him love you,
Love him,
and then break it off like it was nothing in the first place.

Although, I cannot give them full credit for the failure of the human race.
Men are perdy bad too.
I hate it when I see some guy hideously wrapped up in one girl.
Love is great,
but there is no such things as "love at first sight," n such.
His brain stops working and they make whole life decisions based on her.
The woman though, they love it.
Bath in it.
I mean its attention right?
Eventually though,
theyll get bored.
Its what happens.
Girls with "it,"
tend to be flighty.

Hitting more at home,
I have viciously fought my main womanly problem.
Not that I blame all my unhappiness on being a woman.
Its more of a choice.
You have instincts...
for lack of a better word...
Its when and how you choose to deal with them
can can decide just what kind of woman that youll be.
My biggest problem happens to be...
Hmm...
Something like Experience.
But not really.
I have a vision of how I want my life to be.
I know that it will happen nothing like I want it to.
But hey,
I can wish cant I?
I want evrything all the the same time.
If I could make 3 million of me,
or live about 3 million lives.
That would be amazing.
I want to live in every life experience that there is.
I want to be the wind,
to live the winds life for a thousand years.
To...
Live as a whale...
a tree..
More at home...
I want to be with him.
To experience everything I can with that person,
to make him the happiest he could ever be.
I could aslo make that guy over there the happiest.
Or, that guys girlfriend is horrible.
Shes such a woman.
I could transform myself into that exact person the I know he needs.
Its disgusting.
Believe me I know.

Ive had one major problem lately,
my newest project.
"The relationship that was never finished."
Goal:
To figure him out,
just what makes him tick,
and make myself into the woman that he needs,
the woman that he wants.
Fix his insecurities and show him just how amazing he can be.
Then let him go,
to find the true woman that he was meant to be with.
I am for no one.
I am no one.
I am what you want me to be.
I was born in the wrong era.
In another life, I was a a peasant during King Arthurs reign.

Ugh..
The problem.
The major one,
of a million I should say.
I fell in love.
The person that he wanted me to be,
was who I was.
Who I am.
I cant have this.
I am not ready for this.
I still need to live a partiers life,
and to be solely dependant on no one but,
me.
Love and marriage is for the future.
When I can afford it.
How can I make a man happy when I myself cannot be?
I spose that no one can understand.
I have to be me,
before there is ever an us.
But..
there is an us,
whether I like it or not.
I love him.
This instance is only part of it.
There is so much more to this story that I cannot say.
I do not believe in fairy book endings.
Or that movies can be played out in everyday life.

Without these things,
you cannot have a relationship at all.
Trust.
True happiness. (HA!)
Honesty.
But most of all.
Compatibility.

God bless EHarmony fags.

Oh how I love you,
but we cannot be.
No worries, my love.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
One day,
someday,
you will forgive me.

Strawberry Ice Cream.

...Just finished it in fact.
Added some Moutain Dew, for a tad bit more flavor.
Although, I add whatever type of soda in the fridge at the time.
Delicious.

Waiting for early to come,
So I can go.
I miss him.
Cant get him out of my head.
He is always there.
Waiting, I spose.
Waiting for what exactly?
No one knows.
Well, no one can know.

I shouldnt have posted but I felt left out.
All the cool kids do it.
My brain is broken tonight.
I think that it is because I am so tired.
I damn near slept all day,
and still I feel as though I could sleep a thousand years.
Nothing is as I wish it to be.
I find shelter and contentment in one thing.
Well, one person.
Yet I cannot see him,
or touch him,
or feel and love him,
as I long too.
I wonder,
If I go tonight,
Will I be any good as a companion at all?
I think that I am better,
but my fatigue is aweful.
Find me a bed..
Fuck that.
Give me my bed at home,
and let me sleep.
No drugs or Drank
is better than this.
It is bliss in a nut shell.
No thinking.
Ive done enough of that latey.
Im done now.
Things are the way they are.
The way the will be.
Thinking does no good,
when destruction is inevitable.

I love you.
I will see you soon.